Transcript of An Hour After Biology

Today is Thursday. That means that I have about 3 hours between Biology and my next class. This gives me a chance to actually eat lunch, which is a rare occurrence. It also gives me plenty of time to get myself into trouble. I will detail the trouble I got into today as a list of pros and cons, in order. This list will span about the length of an hour, from leaving Bio to coming home to write this post.

Leaving Bio:
Pro: It was really, really hot out, so I decided to stop by Starbucks on my way back to my dorm for a nice, cool iced coffee. There wasn't even a line this time!
Con: It was, really, really hot out. I drank every drop of my frappuccino before I even walked into my room. There went my idea of having a coffee with my lunch.

Lunch: Parte Uno
Pro: There was sushi again today, and I actually got to the dining hall in time to have some. All the previous times I have been in class when its being served and have completely missed out.
Con: I still got there a little bit too late, so there was only two pieces of sushi left, both the sad little end parts that were falling apart.
Pro: It was still tasty. One of the pieces even had a big slice of avocado in it.
Con: I wanted more, but all the fatties that had gotten to lunch on time had eaten all the other pieces. Stupid fatties...
Pro: They had soy sauce and wasabi there for us to eat with our sushi! The lunch people are so considerate when it comes to condiments.
Con: Wasabi is really, really spicy. My mouth was tingling a little bit more than I usually like it too after I eat spicy foods, but I could handle it.
Pro: Sushi is really, really freaking good.

Lunch: Parte Dos
Pro: They had shrimp again, and shrimp is tasty. They don't over cook it, so it has a nice pop when you bite into it.
Con:  "Firecracker". Be very, very wary of any food with this word in front of it. I was still desperate mood for food at this time, so I decided to try it.

I don't know exactly what I was thinking, but I let them put sauce on it.

Red sauce.

Red sauce in the culinary world is like bright colors on frogs: "Don't eat me, I will hurt you if you do".

For those of you who want a description of this rule, here are a few illustrations.

Firecracker shrimp is not some sort of happy little red shrimp that will explode with flavor in your mouth.

Firecracker shrimp is more like this:

This firecracker shrimp will not explode in your mouth with flavor, it will explode in your mouth with PAIN.

Pro: Broccoli and carrots were served with the evil, evil shrimp.
Con: The sauce had leaked all over the veggies.
Pro: I had a drink.
Con: Iced tea doesn't help at all when it feels like you just licked the metal hood of a car that had been setting out in the sun on a really, really hot day and then set on fire.
Pro: Having my mouth on fire made the outside temperature seem cooler by comparison.
Con: I couldn't care less how hot it was outside, because MY MOUTH WAS ON FIRE.

The moral of the story is: Don't eat anything with the word "firecracker" in front of it and expect it to be a pleasant experience.

On a more pleasant side note, here is a video of a shrimp on a treadmill that is adorable and hilarious at the same time.


Shrimp on a Treadmill

Tiny Apple

Here is a picture of a tiny apple that I got from the dining hall. It is up against a sticky note for comparison. The apple is organic and all of his little tasty friends are about this size too.

If you don't think that he is adorable then you have no soul. That is all.

Flip Flap!

Packing for college was very exciting. Most of my possessions were boxed up and stuck in the deep shelves in my room, and I got to see the rest of my room empty out into two little duffel bags to loaded into the back of the Big Volvo. Because I knew I wouldn't have much room in my dorm, I tried to minimize the amount of stuff I would bring. I left my collection of shells, bones, feathers, and other assorted animal parts.

I even packed up my prized puffer-fish, wrapped securely in several layers of newspaper (bubble-wrap+puffer-fish=bad).


But there was one item that I absolutely had to bring with me. One item that I knew would make me happy every time I looked at it, and would always make me smile.

I had to bring my Flip Flap Plant.

For those of you who don't know what a Flip Flap Plant is, shame on you. A Flip Flap Plant is a little plastic plant with a solar panel attached to it. It's leaves bob up and down when the light hits them, and it gives me hours upon hours of amusement. Here is a video of my Flip Flap Plant in action:

For those of you who were so enchanted by my little plant, you can buy your own Flip Flap Plant here a ThinkGeek (which is the coolest website ever).

College: Truth? or LIES?

The year before I went to college,  I had people constantly giving me tips on how to survive in college, and telling me what it would be like. I listened eagerly in the beginning, interested in learning how to navigate the wide variety of experiences I was sure to encounter.

However, after hearing for the tenth time how I was going to have drastically shorten my showers because I was going to be living on a floor with two hundred other girls, I decided to take action. I looked up the floor-plans for all the Barrett dorms, and, lo and behold, it was two to four people sharing an in-room bathroom, with the toilet, sinks, and shower all separated. I informed all the people that had given me horror stories about communal showers the actual room plans and...

None of them believed me. At least, that's what I'm assuming, seeing as I continued to get told about communal showers almost daily.

This experience (among others) has inspired me to write a post about what college life is really about. So, with no further ado, I present to you:

College: Truth? or LIES?

Story 1: "Trying to do homework on the weekends at college is terrible, because people ignore the quiet hours at night and you will want to hang out with your friends during the day, but you won't be able to because of your homework, and it will be terrible and no fun at all, so get your homework done before the weekend."
VERDICT: LIES!
Quiet hours? What are quiet hours? They don't seem to exist on my floor. The amount of noise on the weekends merely peters out around two or three am. But there's always going to be people sitting in the hallways doing  homework, so don't worry. You won't be alone doing your homework at midnight in the hall.

What? You don't sit in the hall with everyone else to do your homework? Whats wrong with you? Are you some sort of antisocial freak or something?

Story 2: "If you take eighteen credits, you'll have soooo much homework. You'll have to get up early to finish class at a decent time, or sleep in and come back really late at night."
VERDICT: Truth
I am taking eighteen credits. I have a manageable to insane amount of homework (depending on the day), and while I do have to get up around seven to make sure I have time to do everything I need to before I head off to class, I have a few hours in the evening to do more homework. Other people have it easy. They get the teachers that don't assign that much homework. I have crappy luck, and have teachers that assign homework every night (but I seem to have gotten all the coolest teachers, go figure). I talk with people every day that say that they have their first paper for English and/or Human Event due in a few days. When they ask me if I've done any papers yet, I usually respond like this:

"B*tch, I got papers for Human Event AND English due after every class. Don't you be askin' me about writin' no papers!" 

Or something like that.

Story 3: "You have to be careful about sleeping in. In college, the professors won't care if you come in late, leave early, or even skip class entirely. Try not to miss to much class, because it will put you behind."
VERDICT: LIES!
Here is a basic outline of my professors' rules on missing class:

• If you miss 3 or more labs, you fail.
• If you miss 4 classes or more, you fail. 
• The only reasonable excuse for missing class is some sort of grievous bodily harm. Having your arm in a sling isn't enough of an excuse, you have to have a note from the hospital. 
• Weddings are not an excuse.
• A death is not an excuse (unless you can provide a corpse).
• If you miss more than the allowed number of days, you fail with no do-overs. The only second chance you get is to take the class over again. 

And people say you can miss class without anyone caring...

Story 4: "College food is crap. Its like cafeteria food, so most days you'll go home and gorge on Twinkies, pizza, soda, and Doritos to fill the void that is created by not wanting to eat canned spinach and 'mystery burgers' again. "
VERDICT: LIES!
I don't know what your college food experience was like, but I gorge myself on gourmet food every morning, noon, and night. The dining hall here can make anything. Flank, New York, or strip steak? No problem. Lobster? No problem. Tacos? No problem. Freshly baked cookies, brownies, cake, cannolis, and muffins every day? No problem. We have a freaking stir-fry station people! Make your own stir-fry every night if you so desire! The people at the pizza station will make gluten-free pizzas on request, and the omelet station can make you an omelet with any topping you desire, and you can choose from regular eggs, egg whites, or organic cage-free eggs.

What? You don't go to an honors college? Well then you're screwed. Enjoy your fried spam, peon.

Story 5: "You'll have to share a few showers with a ton of other people, expect to get up really early or go to bed really late so you can have a hot shower."
VERDICT: DIDN'T I ALREADY COVER THIS?!?
 I already said this once, don't make me repeat myself. One shower between two rooms, two people per room, one of them is me, so how many people do I have to share a shower with?

Three. That's one less than I had to share with at home. And everyone has a different schedule, so we all shower at different times. There hasn't been a single issue yet.

So far, this has been my experience at college. I have disproved many myths about college life, and confirmed others as (partially) true. As I experience more, expect there to be more rounds of...

College: Truth? or LIES?